Best Friends, Pride and Prejudice Fanfiction

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Best Friends

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Chapter 1

Elizabeth raised her eyes from her needlework to look out of the window. It was still raining. She resigned herself to spending the afternoon with her mother and sisters instead of breathing the fresh air outdoors. Her mind was still troubled by recollection of past events.

Four months have passed since that part of my life. Nothing could be the same since that evening. It seems as if I have grown up so much, a little worn by experience.

The situation with Mr. Collins had been a matter of small importance that she had dealt with without harm. In fact it had nothing to do with the following events in her life. That aloof, despising man, who had caused the unhappiness of her beloved sister and ruined the prospects of a good friend, suddenly wanted to be her husband!

It seemed to Elizabeth that what could have been be a peaceful coming to terms, if handled with more tact under a completely different circumstance, without thwarted feelings and incorrect behaviour came to be an evening of anger, astonishment, and hurt.

"Lizzy, Jane! Look, Lizzy! Do you not think this green ribbon suits my eyes?" said Kitty.

"Pardon?" said Lizzy, coming back from her thoughts.

"Look." She left her seat and stood in front of Elizabeth showing the ribbon. "Is it not beautiful?"

"...fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen." said Mrs. Bennet almost crying. "Ouch, I've lost count. Please, dear!"

"Do you like it, mamma?" said Kitty paying no attention to her mother's complaint.

"Yes, dear, yes. Sew it to your bonnet." she started to count again moving her lips.

"I shall look beautiful. I wonder if Maria Lucas will like it. Green is not her favourite colour."

"...eight, seven, nine...Ouch!" Mrs. Bennet frowned at Kitty.

"Kitty, please. Do not distract Mother by talking while she is counting her stitches," Jane scolded gently.

The task of removing Lydia's influence from Kitty's character was hard, but worth doing.

Ah, Lydia, I cannot think of you without pain. Elizabeth continued recollecting her thoughts. Then came that letter in which I, while reading the truth of some events, learnt some truths about myself too. I had wilfully misjudged a man, blinding myself to the facts.

I learnt that I had chosen to be prejudiced against him. I, pretending to be a rational and sensible being, behaved like an ignorant, silly girl. She smiled wryly.

Being irrational for love, friendship, sympathy or humanity was tolerable and understandable, but being irrational because one was rejected at a ball was too much. Too much because that was all that had predisposed me against him. It was my defence against him. And then I found more reasons to think ill of him...until he explained so many things in his letter... until I saw the effects of his hand in Pemberley... until I heard him spoken of in the best terms... until we met him there and he was so civil and polite as to meet the Gardiner's and -- most striking!- as to wish his sister to be acquainted with me. But then Lydia's elopement...

How sad, to realise then that I loved him.

That he was the best man she had ever met, she did not doubt. He had saved Lydia's honour although he had left Mr. Gardiner the credit of it. That he had done it mostly because he still had feelings for her was not a fact she doubted. She believed he was constant in his feelings, but

His feelings may remain for a while, or forever. It does not matter because he will never bear to be Wickham's relative. That is something I know very well.

She could only consider whether his contempt for Wickham would be stronger than his love.

The following afternoon Elizabeth went for a walk to avoid a tedious visit by her Aunt Philips. She sat on a large stone, the ground was still wet, and opened the book she had brought with her. It was The Princess of Cleves. She had always been a keen reader and lately she had found that the company of a book was the best way to pacify her mind.

Absorbed by her book, she only stopped when her eyes became weary. Then, looking at her watch, she stood up and went home.

As she entered the hall she heard her mother's voice from the dinning room talking quite loudly:

"...that shall not prevent my asking him to dine here, I am determined. We must have Mrs. Long and the Gouldings soon. That will make thirteen with ourselves, so there will be just room at table for him. I shall ask him when he comes."

Upstairs, she knocked on Jane's door and entered.

"Jane, who is ..." she closed the door and stopped when she saw Jane's gesture . "Pray, are you unwell?"

"No. I am quite well, Lizzy." said Jane in a low voice and not raising her eyes.

Elizabeth did not believe her. Jane seemed to be sad.

She calmly approached the bed, where Jane was sitting.

"Tell me, who is coming? I heard Mother saying something."

"It is Mr. Bingley." She was still avoiding Elizabeth's eyes.

Lizzy had inadvertently found the object of her sister's concern, but she could not help but feel instantaneously happy.

"What good news!" she cried. She felt it was a good sign, and she wanted to share her optimism with Jane. "Jane, are you not pleased?"

"I do assure you that the news affects me with neither pleasure nor pain. I am glad of one thing, that he comes alone; because we shall see less of him. I am a little distressed. Not that I am afraid for myself, but I dread other people's remarks. Besides, our aunt said that he was coming here to shoot for several weeks, so maybe we will not see him at all," said Jane in an attempt to be indifferent.

Lizzy did not know what to make of Jane's speech. It seemed rather indifferent but behind it there was pain.

"Mother intends to invite him to dinner."said Lizzy.

"I do not believe he will dine here. Mother has good intentions, but I suffer when he is talked of and I feared that she would not talk of anything else for weeks after his departure from Netherfield."

Lizzy understood her sister's low mood. Many months had passed since their last meeting. She had not told Jane that she had seen Bingley in Lambton because it could had given her pain, but now that he was coming, and sure as Lizzy was that Bingley would dine with them, it was the right moment to discuss it:

"I recall now that Mr. Bingley visited us at Lambton. Did I tell you? It was a very short visit, but we talked amiably. He complained that he had not seen you since the 26th of November." That was said in a tone that did not give the matter its significance. However, the comment was important enough to draw Jane's attention, and she blushed a little.

"Still, he is a friend" she said softly, looking at the ground, "and I shall be glad to see him if he decides to come". Jane was not in the mood to ask Lizzy why she had concealed this small but capital piece of information. She had enough to consider with her own thoughts and feelings, and those of Bingley.

"When are we to expect him?" Lizzy was pleased by her sister's subtle change of mood.

"He arrives at Netherfield this Wednesday, on Thursday at the latest." she said with some anxiety in her tone.

Lizzy looked at Jane with tenderness. She saw happy prospects in her sister's future, but now Jane was suffering, uncertain of his feelings and quite disappointed by his absence. She sat beside her and hugged her. Then caught Jane's eye: "As you said, he is a friend."

Later, lying in the bed, she could think more about it.

Bingley coming to Netherfield. That must have something to do with Darcy. I told him about Jane's feelings and he must have persuaded his friend to come back and continue the relationship.

Charlotte was right. Jane's decorum in love deceived Darcy and surely Bingley too. Darcy was not to blame when he thought Jane did not love Bingley. In fact, Darcy and Jane are similar in some ways, because I never suspected him to be in love. He was disdainful at the beginning... but then he showed himself to be eager to talk and walk with me. And he stared at me all the time.

She could not help a deep feeling of loss and love when she imagined his look.

 

Chapter 2

It was the third week of September and that they were going to Netherfield was settled. The reason of his going there was only to accompany Bingley or that was what he said to his friend, to whom he had not yet opened his heart.

Darcy was in London. He was sitting in an armchair with a book in his hands, but it did not engage his attention. He was deep in thought.

Darcy had received the sudden appearance of Elizabeth at Pemberley as a sign.

At Rosings he left without any hopes of seeing her again, their paths would never cross again. That summer day, he was not expected at home and she was supposed to be at the Lakes, but they had met by chance. The meeting wiped away his gloomy feelings. It could be a fresh start, or a chance to mend his mistakes and lessen her poor opinion of him.

He did not resent the past and decided to work for the future. He showed civility and introduced Georgiana to Elizabeth, expecting that a true friendship would start. Suddenly they had to part again when Elizabeth recieved the news of Lydia's elopement, but he decided to do everything possible to solve the problem. And now, Lydia was married to Wickham.

It is strange how one's emotions work. He is the last person I wanted to be connected to by family ties... until now. It amazes me how little his being Elizabeth's brother in law matters to me. In April, I disdained her low connections. Her reproaches were just and I have changed. Now I realise she is the only connection I desire. I wonder what would she think of me if she knew what I had to do with Lydia's wedding. She would think I was intruding upon her family's affairs. Anyway, I do not want to oblige her to thank me. I did it to relieve her pain, not to be thanked. But I must not fear that, for Mr. Gardiner agreed not to say a word.

He sighed, and looked at his book. How many times have I read that line? He smiled and continued with his thoughts.

How quickly Bingley agreed to spend some time at Netherfield! I only mentioned that it could be considered uncivil not having returned to the neighbourhood. I am glad his sisters are not coming. They would get in the way. I must see if Miss Bennet is still in love with Bingley, which I suspect to be very likely, as Elizabeth said. Moreover, I shall see Elizabeth. I need to see her and judge whether I might ever hope to make her love me.

"I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry."

He closed his eyes to banish those painful words from his mind. He took a deep breath and tried hard to concentrate in his determination to find some hope and avoid thoughts of fear.

All is lost if I let the fear of defeat rule me.

 

Chapter 3

Four days later he was standing in front of the full-length mirror in his room at Netherfield. He was quite anxious. He looked around, sure that he was forgetting something. He went through the writing desk and the bedside table. He searched in the drawers but it was not there. Then he felt his pocket and it was already in its proper place. It will only be a short call. I am going to observe Miss Bennet's feelings.

Nay, he was going to see Elizabeth.

He went downstairs to the drawing room, where Bingley was waiting for him.

"There you are, at last!" cried Charles. They went outdoors. "It was a good idea to come. The air of the Hertfordshire is very healthy. I feel quite at ease here."

"I am sure you do." beamed Darcy.

Bingley looked the horizon and said, "Well, let's visit our friends at Longbourne."

They mounted their horses and rode to Longbourne. As they entered the paddock and rode towards the house, Darcy felt his heart beating wildly.

They were shown into the room where Mrs. Bennet and her daughters were.

The next half hour was spent by Darcy and Elizabeth in a way that would discourage the most spirited. They both felt quite shy with each other.

The entire burden of conversation fell on Mrs. Bennet, Bingley and Jane's shoulders. Mrs. Bennet used all the civility she knew (some of which seemed quite uncivil to Elizabeth), and Bingley was very happy to see his friends again and stay a few weeks at Netherfield. He was very happy to see Jane again and made the decision of staying until November at once. Jane was very amiable but her speech did not flow as usual as she was very happy and moved. Kitty only listened and Mary did not even do that.

Darcy and Elizabeth were too embarrased to talk and equally grave and silent. They only spoke a few words about the Gardiner's and Miss Darcy.

Darcy and Bingley accepted an invitation to a family dinner on Tuesday at Longbourne and then they left.

Back at Netherfield, Bingley was able to share all his high spirits with his friend. They sat in a bench of the Netherfield garden.

"Now I realise how much I enjoy the company of the people of this neighbourhood! I intend to stay here untilNovember." he had the pleasure of saying it aloud. "Will you stay with me?"he beamed.

"I was supposed to stay only a few days." said Darcy in a soft voice. In his ride to Netherfield, Darcy had not decided what to do. His first intention was to stay for a week and then leave Charles but he must had known that his friend would not hear of staying without him.

"I know that you do not enjoy shooting very much, but the weather is still fine and we have friends here that we have not seen for many months." said Charles, obviously speaking of his sweet Jane.

"I am not sure. The weather must change, it is autumn." he said, avoiding the subject of the neighbourhood.

"Besides, I have to make use of Netherfield, or what did I hire it for?" he blew away an ant that was crawling up his breeches.

"Yes, you are right." Darcy could not say a thing against the sense of that.

"Besides, should I stay here all alone and you at London all alone, too, when we could be here riding or fencing instead?" he knew how to be persuasive. "Or going mushrooming, if we want to?" they laughed.

But still Darcy found a gap to escape. "Until November is too long and I must stay with Georgiana, who is in Pemberley." he said in a concerned tone of voice.

"Is she not with Mrs. Annesley until Christmas?"

"Yes, she is, but I want and must devote more time to her. Lately I have been thinking that she is too young to be so alone." He said this feeling very guilty.

"That is the perfect plan, then! She must come here and met the Bennet girls. She knows Elizabeth already. And she will love to go mushrooming with us!" Bingley's good humour had unquestionably won this time.

It could be good for Georgiana to have the company of young girls, not only Bingley's sisters or Mrs. Annesley, so Darcy said that he would go to London to talk with his sister.

Darcy had also agreed because he felt that he owed Charles a debt for having moved him away from Jane, but he was not sure if he could cope with so long a stay if he had to see Elizabeth showing indifference every day.

Then they went to their rooms to change their clothes and while Bingley daydreamed of Jane, Darcy relived the visit from his own point of view.

She was so silent today. I thought she would talk to me.

We were not seated close to each other, but we could have talked more.

Perhaps she was indifferent?

I hope she was only too surprised at seeing me and that made her feel shy. That must be the case.

Maybe she is embarrassed at having told me of Lydia's elopement. I am sure she thinks it was unnecessary to tell me because eventually they were married. Well, I will not say a word about it lest she feels uneasy.

Anyway, I must be more eloquent or she will think that I have lost all interest in her.

She was astonished at his coming, but far more surprised by his behaviour.

He was more eloquent in Derbyshire. It vexed her. Why, if he came only to be silent, grave and indifferent, did he come at all?

She was very frustrated. If she had known that he was coming she would have thought of something to talk about or an excuse to approach him, in case he was sitting far from her, as had turned out to be the case. She blamed herself for not being able to engage him in conversation. She had only wanted to be near him, to be agreeable and to spend some precious minutes with him. She missed very much the man that she had met in Derbyshire and that she had ignored at Rosings and Hertfordshire.

Why could he not be more amiable? If he fears me, why did he come here? If he no longer cares for me, why is he silent? Teasing, teasing man! I will think no more about him. In fact, she feared the answers to these questions. She feared that all the things she said that night at Hunsford could have made his love diminish. She had not apologised to him, which she now very much regretted. Despite her resolution, her thoughts continued as she walked, analysing the situation.

Maybe he has decided not to encourage me into love. If it is the case, it is too late for me. How sad it is.

I have wounded him too much and he has tried to overcome it but the weight of my words must be unbearable.

I have not thought ill of him since he explained everything, but I have not told him, and my words were too horrible. I should apologize, but we would never be able to be at ease at each other's company.

Must I tell him how much my thoughts, opinions and feelings have changed? Would it not be a straight declaration of my feelings? Would not it be improper?

Am I able to talk about them? Would he regret or resent hearing them?

She could not come to a conclusion that did not give her pain.

The anxiously awaited Tuesday came and the meal took place. It was a happy day for Charles and Jane. They sat together at the table, they talked, laughed and played cards together. Charles could see that Jane was the same as he remembered and recovered a happy mood that he had not felt since his departure from Netherfield. Jane grew in confidence and she no longer feared his company. She hoped to see him frequently. Still, she denied her feelings to Lizzy pretending to think of Bingley only as a good friend.

On the other hand, Lizzy ended the day in very low spirits. She was happy to see Jane and Charles draw closer in every way but it was the only pleasure of the day. She had waited anxiously for Darcy. She was determined to be amiable and enjoy his company, but they sat far from each at the table. She hoped to engage him in conversation later, but as she waited in the drawing room for the gentlemen, her impatience soured her mood and in any case, when he came in, it was impossible for him to sit near her. There was a ray of hope when he came to bring his coffee cup but it was wasted. She was so fatigued by her ill mood that she could only think of one topic to talk about, not realising at that moment that they had talked about it during his first visit. She was not able to say anything more, she waited in anxiety for his words but one of the girls began to whisper to her, so he went away. Then, her heart sank when they sat at different tables to play cards.

The only thing that gave her hopes was Jane's relationship with Bingley. The rest of the events of her evening were disastrous, and she was disappointed as she considered them.

How unlucky! All of the day's possibilities were completely wasted. It was impossible to speak at the table and during the game. Asking about Georgiana again wasted the only moment I did have. Oh, how silly! I was unable to think of anything else! He must think I do not have the slightest interest in him, or that I was avoiding his company! Oh, this could be very, very sad. What was the use of his standing by my side without uttering a sound? I cannot understand that! I thought that he came to me looking for conversation. Why silent! Why!

She spoke to Jane about Bingley with cheerfulness, but as Jane insisted in telling her that he was only a friend, she left her sister with a little annoyed, more due to the days disappointments than to Jane's pretended indifference towards Bingley.

The further the carriage was from Longbourne, the more Fitzwilliam Darcy became angry with himself.

Incredibly stupid! How can I give her offence standing there without saying anything?

He hardly heard what Bingley was saying about the pleasant day they had had at the Bennet's.

At dinner, Charles realised that his friend was too silent and pensive, but when he asked, Darcy just told him that he was tired. He retired to his room early and there he reflected on his behaviour, that to his frustration, he found incapable to justify.

I cannot believe what I did. I had every intention of engaging her in conversation, but I did not. Elizabeth must think I am a stupid and useless acquaintance. The dullest man. She is one of the most lively and intelligence people I have ever met, both among men and women, and she must think that I am boring and depressing. I just cannot believe it.

I was determined to be agreeable. My resolution left me and I gave way to a reserved mood when I was among so many people. Yet I managed to have a conversation with Mr. Bennet about the war in Spain. I realise now from whom she gained her wits.

If only I could be as I was in Derbyshire. However, there I was among my friends.

I spent all day desperately waiting to be with her and when it comes, the only thing I give her is an awkward silence.

But he did not realise that it was his anxiety what was ruining his determination of being pleasant company, because while his mind arranged how the encounter should be, his passion lurked behind, aching for its object. Then, when the moment required most his mind to be sociable he was overwhelmed by the long desired feeling of her closeness, making him reserved.

 

Chapter Four

The gentlemen spent the next two days shooting, riding, and visiting other acquaintances in the Hertfordshire. However, Bingley was the one who took the most of the pleasure from these activities. Darcy's mood was low: he longed to see Elizabeth but he could not see her until after his return from London, as he was leaving the following morning.

The night before Darcy's departure, Bingley decided to amuse his friend. He was aware of his gloomy mood and wanted him to share his cheerfulness. Darcy was thoughtful again.

They were sitting in front of the fire enjoying a quiet port. Bingley broke the silence: "Darcy?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you like this wine? "

"Very much."

After a few seconds he said: "And did you like the dinner?"

"Yes. Very much. Why?" he retorted.

"Darcy, you have used my best inks, you have ridden my best horse and you have eaten my best duck."

"Sorry, but you do not keep ducks," Darcy rejoined playfully

"That has nothing to do with it." he teased. "You have also drunk my best port. I try my best to bribe you, but you still keep your worries to you. Share them with me! I need some concerns to counterbalance my happiness."

Darcy smiled. "Your moods are very well balanced, indeed. It would be an error to change them." he said.

They were silent for a moment. Then Bingley said "Seriously Darcy, what is the matter? I know you."

Darcy took a deep breath and said "I was going to tell you now, before you asked what I think of your port."

"Then, proceed, my friend. You have my complete attention," he beamed.

"I am almost sure that Miss Bennet loves you," he paused to consider what he was going to say. Bingley stared at him, mouth slightly opened, amazed. It was not the kind of confession he was expecting. Darcy went on: "I have been giving the matter my attention." He paused again.

"Well, it is too soon to tell." Bingley was a bit embarrassed. "She has been far more than agreeable, and I think she sees me as a good friend, but it is too soon to tell."

"You are very humble. You overlook your good qualities." He went on: "I am very sorry to say that last autumn I made the very sad mistake of thinking that she did not love you."

It sounded like an apology, and Charles was puzzled: "Well, it was just your opinion. There is no need for you to be sorry."

"On the contrary, there is every need for me to be sorry. Did you know that Miss Bennet was in London for three months last winter?"

Bingley was astonished: "It is not possible. Either she or Caroline would have told me. I should have known." he was frowning.

"I knew."

"You knew? At the time?"

"Yes. Moreover, I am very ashamed to say that I purposely kept it from you."

Bingley looked at him directly in the eye waiting for further explanation, getting angrier with every second.

"I was so absurd as to think that you were going to propose to a girl who did not love you and did not had relations equal to yours. My interference was absurd and impertinent. I am very sorry."

"You must be very sorry! I missed three whole months with her in London!" he was equally astounded and angry. He left his armchair and paced about the room. "What is it about her relations? I do not care about her relations! You told me what you had against them and it was only nonsense!" He stopped to face Darcy. "She was not good enough for me, was she? She is not rich and her aunt is not a Lady!"

Darcy ran his hand through his hair, very ashamed. He forced himself to look at Bingley, to take all that was his due.

Bingley poured another glass of port and drank it. "Tell me, Darcy, was it for my welfare or for your pride?"

"It was for your welfare, although my pride blinded me. I am very sorry. I did not mean to hurt you. I was only thinking of your happiness, but I usurped a power of decision that never belonged to me." Bingley was pacing again about the room. Darcy swallowed. "I will understand it if you tell me that you do not want me to come back to Netherfield," said Darcy quietly, fearing that this would be the case.

Bingley, instead of answering this, asked: "Did you see her in town or did someone tell you?" As Darcy hesitated a moment, Bingley spoke again, looking through the window. "It was Caroline who told you, I am sure. She and Louisa must have known. Every time I asked about their correspondence with Miss Bennet, they said that their letters were not answered. I knew Miss Bennet enough to think that she would never do that, so I did not know what to make of it. I thought she had lost interest in our acquaintance," he said wretchedly.

"Yes, it was Caroline who told me that Miss Bennet had visited her," said Darcy in a low voice.

"Did she tell you what her reason was to separate me from Miss Bennet? You thought it was for my welfare, I suppose." he smiled sadly and shook his head, looking at the reflection of Darcy in the window. Then he said quietly. "Did she tell you whom she wants me to marry? Her ideal sister-in-law is your sister Georgiana."

"I supposed something of the kind, but I overlooked it, thinking only of my reasons, which I stupidly found sensible. I did not know how much pain I was inflicting on you until Miss Elizabeth taught me." Darcy thought that Bingley deserved all the truth.

"Did she? She is a good friend, both brave and witty," he said with some bitter amusement. "You should marry her; she can give you your due."

Darcy clenched his fists. His breast sank when he remembered the scene: "Actually, I proposed to her and she rejected me." He said, staring at the fire. He had never said it aloud and the effects of doing it were devastating on him, internally and externally.

Bingley thought he looked devastated. "I am very sorry," said Charles. This was a night of surprises. His anger disappeared and he only felt sympathy for his friend. He appreciated that the suggestion of returning to Netherfield had been Darcy's. His confidence as to how well he would be received in the neighbourhood had been low, but as his friend had said that it might be an incivility not to return soon, he had recovered his determination and faced Miss Bennet. His friend had acted wrongly but was truly repentant and had endeavoured to remedy the damage he had caused. Moreover, he had been very sincere when he could have chosen to remain silent.

As for his friend's happiness, he did see anything that he could do. He could only be supportive and attempt to cheer him up. Charles walked to the fireplace and sat in the arm o...

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